I have become good at hiding my pain over the 3+ years because if I said “ouch!” every time or even if I talked about my pain as much as I feel it no one would want to be near me (sometimes, I don’t even want to be near me! ha! I do my own head in!lol).
I believe that chronic pain hurts more than just our bodies, it hurts our emotions. The side effect of living with pain and trying to look and act “normal” is that all of my pain gets shoved into my head. I think about it, I worry about it. It comes out as irritability and hopelessness. It’s fucking frustrating! It comes out when I’m trying to relax, watching tv.. even when I get into bed. It comes out in IRRATIONAL ways even though I’m completely aware the majority of my thoughts are NOT true!
My accident feels like a lifetime ago now but on the days I have flare ups and need a lot of sleep to recover it floods back so quickly.
I’ve learned I can never escape my pain, I learned I can deal with it. I am not perfect. I do not have this solved. I struggle and make the wrong choices.. I don’t want my pain to stop me from having a good time – even if that involves a consequence of a few days pain! I am human.
I challenge myself daily to show myself I am in control and I am capable of great things.
Pain-anxiety will always be part of me, but I am stronger.